This is so difficult.....

I have cried and lamented over writing this post.  I have tried to figure out how I wanted to do it and to be quite frank, all I can do is be perfectly honest.  For the first time since I started this blog it is time to lay all my cards on the table.  This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and I just hope that when it is all said and done I can regain my passion for the sport that was once my first love.

Several months ago I completely gave up writing this blog.  I started it as a way to honor my favorite driver, the pilot of the #11  Fed Ex sponsored , Joe Gibbs Racing Toyota , Denny Hamlin.  By some strange coincidence, Denny found out about it and visited my blog.  He was honored to be the focus of my blog and told me that I was a good writer.  Denny and I became fast, close friends and spoke quite frenquently. 

Every Monday we did a question and answer session and I posted those for all the fans to see.  When Hamlin crashed at Dega this time last year and was injured, spending the night in the hospital and scaring this blogger nearly to death, I was one of few people he gave a personal update to.

In time, the question and answer segments came to an abrupt end.  Hamlin's visits also became non-existant.  Conversations began to focus on things that to say the least were upsetting. I watched my hero's whole demeanor change. I watched him lose weight, start to struggle in ways I never imagined someone I put up on a pedestal could ever dip to.  And I let it effect me tremendously. 

For Denny's 28th Birthday I completely redesigned the blog in his favorite colors. I got all of his dearest friends to leave him comments and fans gave him exactly 28 Birthday wishes for his special day.  Nothing changed in my heart, but it did hurt to know that someone I worked so hard to please no longer found the time to stop by and visit the product of long hours of research and constructive dedication.

I was accused of lying to Denny Hamlin's fans about him.  At first, I denied it.  I couldn't fathom how anyone could possibly think that I would do or say anything untruthful or hurtful about this man whose very existance I idolized. But then I realized it was true. I was guilty of lying to Denny Hamlin fans everywhere.

You see, this man who zips up a fire suit every Sunday to climb inside his race car and go 200 mph and thrills those of us who call ourselves his fan is not made of steel. He isn't super human. He is not 10 foot tall and bullet proof.  He is not perfect, he is human.  He hurts just like you and I do. He gets sad, depressed and struggles to even face the world just like you and I do.

The fact that he makes millions of dollars and owns a house that 10 of us could place our entire home just inside the living room, does not erase the fact that life and all its struggles slam him just like they do me.  In fact, if I were to be completely honest, they hit him harder.  Because he is expected to always smile, always be in a good mood, always be nice and always give to whomever asks, he is unable to let his guard down.

I thought I was strong enough to deal with it. But the truth is I am jaded. I no longer look at the sport of NASCAR and the drivers, Denny Hamlin especially, the same way. And I never will again.  I know too much, I am too close to the heart of it and the fact that I conspired to deceive fans everywhere makes me sick to my stomach.

So, here I am. With tears streaming down my face, writing a blog post to say to every person who has ever or will ever read this blog....it's over! Things in my own life dictate that I stop writing about Denny Hamlin.  He is just a man, who happens to race a car on Sundays. He is special but not because of who signs his paycheck or because a TV camera shows his entire life to the world.  But I can no longer be a party to lying to people. Find out for yourself where he is, what he is doing and how he finishes each weekend.  If I can find out the information, surely someone else can.

If Denny ever happens to read this final post....I'm sorry Denny! I love you with all my heart. Nothing with ever change that.  But I think you're better off being a mystery to your fans.  The last thing I ever want is one of them to see you the way I do now.  No one ever wants that!  It's been an amazing year and I was lucky to know you.  I apologize for making your life a spectacle and for adding to your hurt. Your hell has ended and I have put out the flames myself.  I wish you nothing but astounding success and fans who respect you and support you better than I ever did.  I have failed you and for that I am the most apologetic.  Goodbye.....

Thank You!

Mama would be so proud of you Denny....She knows how much I loved you! She'd be so proud to know you made me happy. Congratulations on your Martinsville win. You are my Champion!!!

In Loving Memory

As I sit here writing this blog entry, I think of all the memories that make this so special to share with the world. You see, tomorrow, October 27th, marks the 6th Anniversary of the death of my Mom. She was my best friend, my shopping buddy, my mentor, my comfort and my strength. No one has ever made me laugh quite like she did. No one ever or will ever understand me the way she did. And nothing will EVER be able to fill the giant hole that has been left by her passing.

You see, my Mom hated racing. She despised that her little girl's world revolved around a car and the speed it went and the sound it made and the way it made her baby feel as it rumbled past. The adrenaline rush of watching NASCAR live and in full effect at Darlington made her sad that she had lost her daughter to a man's sport. But she still went along on my excursion to South Carolina once a year with my Dad. She rented a car and went shopping while I met drivers and bought souvenirs.

One year my friend and I went to race shops and met numerous drivers. When I showed her a picture of Rusty Wallace, her reply was, "He's good looking." "Yes Mom, and he smelled good too!", was my grinning response to her. Every time I mentioned his name I got the same reaction. "He's good looking." I must admit, Mama had taste.

She was also incredibly fond of Dale Jarrett. She thought he was handsome and made it clear that she liked him. Every time she saw the UPS truck she said "88, there's Dale Jarrett". It was so cute and I couldn't help but laugh. To this day, I still hear her say that when I hear the UPS truck race up my gravel road to the neighbors house.

I was never a birthday cake kinda girl. I wanted the candles and the icing but the cake itself was not my thing. So she frequently bought me a big chocolate chip cookie decorated especially for me on my special day. One year it was a race car, and on the door was the #12. I asked, "Mom, how did you know?" She informed me that she knew more than I thought and that I was no mystery to her. I asked my Dad if he had told her and I believed him when he told me that she figured it out on her own.

I still have the picture of that big cookie and I still stand in complete amazement that she knew I was a Jeremy Mayfield fan and the #12 belonged on my race car cookie. Somehow, she just knew. When I beamed because I'd met someone I idolized, she celebrated with me. When my driver won, she was happy in spite of her disdain.

I still can't believe that it's been another year since she left me. I feel like I lost her yesterday. Part of the reason I am able to make it through the grief and the pain of being without the center of my universe is because I have the support of someone who understands. Someone who has been there, who cares when I cry and grieve and someone who willingly drops EVERYTHING to be there to support me through my most difficult times.

I truly believe that this person was sent to me straight from heaven. I can just see my Mom up in Heaven, seeing my tears fall, knowing that somehow she has to see me through this tough journey without her. I can see her going to Jesus and saying, "Could you send someone to support my baby? Someone who will understand, who will never let her down and someone who will love her through this?" And Jesus graciously obliging her. I can see them walking across Heaven surveying the planet, searching for the perfect person to do this high priority task. I can see my Mom's face light up as she spots the perfect person and says "That one! I want you to send that one to my baby! They will be perfect for her and they will help her make it through".

I can see the smile spread across Jesus' face as he looks at my Mom and says "Well done Virginia! That's who I picked too. But not just because Rebecca needs someone to help her through. But because Rebecca can return the favor. They are perfect for each other and meant to be together." Truly a match made in heaven!

So while I mourn another year without my Mom, I also celebrate another year with the most amazing friend God could have ever blessed me with. I don't need to mention any names, because they already know who they are. If I did try to point out this angel to people, they would simply brush it off and deny that they ever did a thing. They don't need any recognition or thanks. They honestly don't think they ever made a difference in anyone's life, let alone mine.

So on October 27th, I celebrate the legacy of my Mom, Virginia, and the blessing of a friendship she created in her new heavenly home to make sure I know just how much she truly loves me. Because when I hear my angel say my name, make them laugh, and just spend time with them.... I know that I'm doing something right because I was loved and had a glimpse of the heart of two of the most beautiful and amazing people on the planet.

Rest In Peace Mommy - I love you!
Thank you my dear friend - you are my heart and I would be nothing without you! May God bless you beyond measure for putting up with me and always coming to my rescue and showing me that there is nothing we can't get through....TOGETHER! I love you!

So What? Who Cares??!??!??

This is a picture of my Champion in the garage at Lowe's Motorspeedway after engine failure ruined what was promising to be a turn around moment in Denny Hamlin's fizzling Chase. It seems if it weren't for bad luck the # 11 Fed Ex Office team would have NO luck at all. Crashing out last week and equipment failure last night have really gotten my driver and his team down.

Oh yeah....here's where I say it again. SO WHAT? WHO CARES? I'd rather watch my driver struggle with ups and downs, fight hard, and win or lose fair and square than watch the Hendrick Motorsports show dominate NASCAR. You know there are 39 other teams out there just as worthy as your 4 drivers. Oh wait, that's right. There's only 39 teams when Brad Keselowski races in the # 25 car. Dale Earnhardt Jr just rides around. Okay I feel better.

You see there's something to be said for a driver who struggles and fails rather than one who always seems to come out smelling like a rose no matter how much bull manuer they roll around in. It just doesn't seem possible that the 48, 24 and 5 are ALWAYS able to come back from misfortune to dominate. I'm sorry but Mark Martin hasn't won that many races or poles per season in his career this far. It just proves there is something sinister going on and quite frankly I'm tired of it.

I don't understand how you can be THAT excited to win when you KNOW going in to the 500 miles that you're gonna come out with the checkered flag. It isn't even fun to watch anymore!

So, Mr. Hamlin, YES SIR I JUST WENT THERE!, You struggle. You fight. You lose. You sweat. You bleed. You crash. It's what I watch you for. It's why I am your # 1 fan and you're my hero. Go out there and put your heart into that race. It's why you make me scream!

So Where Have I Been?

If you have wondered where I've been hiding for so long....thank you for caring. If you've been checking back to see if I've updated the blog only to find it's been months since I've written anything....there is a reason.

This may come as a surprise, but the man I write this blog for is more than just a driver to me. He is a friend of mine. One whom I totally adore. Lately things haven't been as good as I would like them to be. I have struggled with my own personal issues, hurts and hardships. I've also watched things in Denny's life not be as good as I would like them to be.

I came to the conclusion that my updating everything that happens for this driver that very few see outside of a fire suit was detramental to him instead of beneficial. For a man who clings tightly to his privacy and needs some sense of obscurity in his life....I was not a help. I was a hindrance.

By telling well-meaning fans where to find him at every appearance and posting his every move, from searching for a new house, buying new property, vehicles, and going on trips with friends, I have opened up his private book and exposed him to hurtful situations I never even dreamed of.

It took me a while to realize that while I have his best interests at heart...not everyone does. So, I have made the decision to take some time to rethink and restructure Becca's Denny Hamlin blog. I would never want to do anything to hurt someone who means the world to me. And I fear that without realizing it I may be guilty of just that.

Please understand this isn't easy. We all lose family members, go through hard times, and every driver at some point will have disagreements with other drivers and team issues. But while this may be a natural part of life, not everyone wants it plastered in the media.

I have a piece of my heart invested in the man who drives that # 11 Fed Ex Toyota and I fear that I'm too close to the situation so I'm backing off for a while.

I will be posting a birthday greeting for D Ham on November 18th so please be sure to stop by and show him how much you love him and wish him a happy growing older wish. HA HA Got ya bro....

Thank you all for understanding and for being such amazing followers. DH... This wasn't easy. I wiped tears from my eyes as I typed this post. But I have your best interest at heart and would do anything for you. Including shut down this blog tomorrow if I thought I ever said anything that upset you or made you have a second of hurt. I care about you deeply and hope you will always remember that. You're my hero...and I'm so incredibly proud of you! Keep fighting!!!! GO # 11!!!!

Joe Gibbs Racing's Denny Hamlin ends string of setbacks with third-place Michigan run

Coming off two weeks of frustration, Joe Gibbs Racing’s Denny Hamlin finally got the finish he felt he deserved in Sunday’s NASCAR Sprint Cup LifeLock 400.

Hamlin, who had seen strong runs the last two races derailed by a cut tire at Dover and a fuel-pump issue at Pocono last weekend, suffered no setbacks Sunday as he finished third at Michigan International Speedway.

“We got a new race car here,” Hamlin said after netting his third top-five and fifth top-10 of the season. “We were strong all day. We had a top-five car all day. So, it's good to finally finish where we belong. I'm proud of this whole team. We were definitely a car that could contend for a top-two or top-three spot all day.”

Hamlin trailed only Roush Fenway Racing’s Greg Biffle off pit road following the day’s final pit stops with 46 laps to go. But after failing to close in on Biffle and getting passed by eventual race winner Mark Martin and the race’s dominant driver, Jimmie Johnson, it appeared Hamlin might have to settle for a fifth-place finish.

Biffle and Johnson both ran out gas in the last two laps, however, and that allowed Hamlin to move up to third in the final running order.

While certainly satisfied with his finish, Hamlin didn’t enjoy having to be mindful of an uncertain fuel-mileage situation with almost all the frontrunners in the closing laps.

“I kicked myself for not running harder because I was rolling the [throttle] pretty big at the end," he said. "But, I think it was just a bait thing. I think [Biffle] baited [Johnson] to come get him, and they ended up both running out of fuel. We were all in the same boat there; it's just who wanted to risk winning the race versus finishing. I think that's what happened."

With his solid performance, Hamlin not only broke out of his recent mini-slump but also moved above the cutoff spot to make NASCAR’s Chase For The Sprint Cup.

After entering the day 12th in points, Hamlin is now 10th and has a little more breathing room with 11 races before the field is set.

"I hate running like that, but that's what you have to do to get to the end,” Hamlin said of the fuel-economy run. “I'm just proud of our whole team. We worked on fuel mileage a little bit during testing at other race tracks and it paid off here at Michigan.

“For the most part, it was a solid day. We had a top-four or top-five car all day, and it paid off at the end."

Denny Hamlin Donates To Help Kids

When children enter the big red barn at the Children's Museum of Richmond on Friday, thanks will go to several donors to the new Little Farm exhibit.

Capital grants came from the Robins Foundation ($50,000), the Richard Gwathmey and Caroline T. Gwathmey Memorial Trust ($25,000), the Marietta McNeill Morgan and Samuel Tate Morgan, Jr. Foundation ($25,000), the Richard S. Reynolds Foundation ($20,000), the Barbara J. Thalhimer & William B. Thalhimer, Jr. Family Fund of The Community Foundation ($5,000) and the Ruth Camp Campbell Foundation ($2,000).

Demolition and construction services were donated by Graybeale Construction. The Virginia Farm Bureau's Save Our Food campaign will support the exhibit with a $100,000 sponsorship.
A second exhibit including a life-size fiberglass milkable cow has been provided by and sponsored by the Southeast United Dairy Industry Association Inc. for $15,000.
. . .
NASCAR driver Denny Hamlin is helping children in the race for rehabilitation with a $20,000 gift to build a gym at the new Children's Hospital therapy center in Midlothian.

The gift was presented at the main hospital this week as part of a send-off celebration for 14 long-term pediatric patients departing for the unit's annual "Beach Trip."

"Partnering with the Richmond Children's Hospital is a natural fit for us," said Jennifer Reuss, executive director of the Denny Hamlin Foundation. "Denny has always had a place in his heart for children who are disabled or ill, and his hope is to give them the means and the inspiration to win the battles they fight."

The Denny Hamlin Foundation gift will help build the main gym in the South Therapy Center's new location later this year to meet increasing demand for outpatient physical, occupational and speech therapy for children in the community.

The day trip to the beach was for children who live at the hospital because of their medical conditions. All 14 use wheelchairs, and many also rely on ventilators and feeding tubes. For some, it was the first time they have been able to enjoy the simple pleasure of going to the beach.
. . .
Four neighborhood revitalization projects in Richmond are $10,000 ahead, thanks to the Greater Richmond Association for Commercial Real Estate golf tournament.

Proceeds from the tournament were donated to Virginia Local Initiative Support Corp. (LISC), part of the nation's largest nonprofit intermediary in the community development and affordable housing arena.

In Richmond, LISC helps support the Beckstoffer development of up to 75 housing units in Church Hill, the Carrington Gardens/Northridge redevelopment of more than 200 units in Highland Park, the Hippodrome development of 32 units in Jackson Ward and the Six Points rehabilitation of six houses to create units for ex-offenders in Highland Park.

The charity golf tournament was held May 6 at Independence Golf Club. In previous years, the tournament has split the proceeds between two groups, but this year it chose only one, said president David Auman.

Greta Harris, Virginia LISC executive director, saw links between the two groups.
"In many ways we are players in the same market," Harris said. "However, Virginia LISC targets a specific customer: residents of underserved communities who need a leg up."
. . .
An anonymous donor has pledged half of the remaining $40,000 needed to build My Space, a universal design playground, at the James City/Williamsburg Community Center. Other donors must match the $20,000 donation before the end of the year.

Fundraising for the $133,000 playground began last November by members of the Leadership Historic Triangle class of 2009. As of May 26, the project still needed approximately $40,000 in donations before ground could be broken on the 5,100-square-foot playground.

Visit http://www.myplaceplayground.camp9.org for details.

Press Releases Following Lifelock 400 ~ Michigan

Better luck for Hamlin

Denny Hamlin's third-place finish was his first in the top10 since April.
"We definitely need to get back on track," Hamlin said. "We need to start building. We've got to get back to solid finishes and make sure we solidify our place in the Chase and we don't have to race our way in going into Richmond."

Hamlin climbed two spots to 10th in the points with his performance.

DENNY HAMLIN
No. 11 FedEx Toyota Camry ~ Joe Gibbs Racing
Finishing Position: 3rd

How was your run today? "I hate running like that, but that's what you have to do to get to the end. I'm just proud of our whole FedEx Express team. We worked on fuel mileage a little bit during testing at other race tracks and it paid off here at Michigan. For the most part, it was a solid day. We had a top-four or top-five car all day, and it paid off at the end."

How did you feel about it ending up a fuel-mileage race? "I don't know. I think we were pretty good. I kicked myself for not running harder because I was rolling the 'five-in' (throttle) pretty big at the end. But, I think it was just a bait thing. I think the 16 (Greg Biffle) baited the 48 (Jimmie Johnson) to come get him, and they ended up both running out of fuel. We were all in the same boat there, it's just who wanted to risk winning the race versus finishing. I think that's what happened."

What were you thinking at the end of the race? "I was just thinking how much I though I saved during the course of the run. I definitely feel like I probably could've pushed harder. I'm really curious to see how much we have left in the tank to see next time in that situation I could have ran a little bit harder."

Is it a good feeling to rebound strong after last week? "It is. We got a new race car here. We were strong all day. We had a top-five car all day. So, it's good to finally finish where we belong. I'm proud of this whole FedEx Express team. We were definitely a car that could contend for a top-two or top-three spot all day. It feels good to finally come out of here with a finish we deserve."

What did you think about the race finish? "It's tough as a driver to go out there and not run as hard as what you want to. When these races just seem to come down to fuel mileage a lot. We worked on it a little bit with our race team and I think I worked on it as a driver and got better. But, I was willing to 'five-in' (throttle) there at the end. I felt like I was running a little bit too hard. So, I let the 24 (Jeff Gordon) go and it turns out the front two (Greg Biffle and Jimmie Johnson) baited each other into running out of gas."

Michigan: 3rd finisher press conference
Racing series -- NASCAR-CUP
Date -- 2009-06-14
LifeLock 400 Post-Race Transcript

An interview with: DENNY HAMLIN - 3rd finisher

KERRY THARP: We'll roll right into our post race press conference at Michigan International Speedway. Our third place finisher in today's race is Denny Hamlin. He drives the No. 11 FedEx Express Toyota for Joe Gibbs Racing. Denny is now 10th in championship points standings.

Denny, talk about how you ran out there today and how things unfolded there towards the end.

DENNY HAMLIN: Well, we had a good car all day. We fought a little track position for the most part. But we were a top five car all day. We felt like a third to fourth place car for the most part. We knew the last run, I think we were about two laps shy. I worked on some things, some road course testing, what not, to try to save fuel. I felt pretty confident that we could save those two laps.

I felt like as a driver I was really conservative. I'd be interested to see what we have left in the tank because I know I was really rolling down that 5 there about 10 to go. I just thought, man, it's kind of not worth it. If the 48 and the 16 don't run out, what's the point of trying to catch this 5? Little do you know it's for the race win.

But I think it's just the 16 and 48 kind of baited each other into running hard, and that's what happened.

KERRY THARP: Questions for Denny Hamlin.

Q: Denny, is it kind of disappointing to go back to back fuel mileage races as a driver? Is that tough when you get out there and they come on and say you have to start saving?

DENNY HAMLIN: Yeah, it is. But, I mean, it does put the driver in it, for sure. I mean, when we're all short, and I'm pretty sure that everyone was short, without having to save gas on the racetrack, it puts it in the drivers' hands in the sense of how hard do you want to push it versus how much do you want to save.

You know, it is still a driver's race, even though it is a fuel mileage race.

Q: Can you talk about this finish as far as your season. It's been not remarkable. This is a big boost for you guys.

DENNY HAMLIN: It is. You know, we definitely had a hard couple of weeks, for sure. But we definitely need to get back on track. We need to start building. If we're not 13th, I don't know with Mark winning, but we got to get back to solid finishes and make sure we solidify our place in the Chase and we don't have to race our way in going into Richmond.

You know, we had to finish pretty well at Richmond last year to make sure we got in the Chase. And that's just a gut wrenching feeling you don't want to have to go through.

We feel like our performance is pretty good. We feel like we're a little bit behind the Hendrick cars. Obviously, I mean, if Kyle is not up front, then our stuff is not the best. And it's definitely not the best right now. We're a little bit behind. But, you know, we feel like in due time we got some things that we're working on to try to be better than those guys. Right now it's just catch up mode.

KERRY THARP: Denny, thank you very much.
-credit: nascar

Think You're Denny Hamlin's Biggest Fan?

Hey Denny Hamlin fans,
Think you are Denny Hamlin’s # 1 fan? Prove it! Show your support for your favorite driver and take a pic of yourself doing it. Make a sign, rock your best driver apparel, be creative and have fun with it and show your loyalty to the driver of the # 11 Fed Ex Toyota. The most creative will make Denny’s top friends on his Racing MySpace profile. Other prizes may be awarded at the end of the contest.

So get out your cameras and get busy. You have until the Coke Zero 400 on July 4th in Daytona to get your entries in to http://www.myspace.com/dennyhamlinfoundation.

Not friends with Denny? It’s easy..just send him a request before sending him your pics. One entry per person so take your best shot.

You're Kidding Right?

I just read on Jayski that Brendan Gaughan's crew chief, name not worthy of being mentioned, was suspended indefinitely for racial slurs he made to Marc Davis. Now, I am not one to jump on bandwagons and fight for causes that don't concern Denny Hamlin, but this merits a response.

Marc Davis was a development driver for Joe Gibbs Racing. He is a former teammate of Denny's and a fine young man. He has faced so much to be able to live his dream and to have to deal with more of this hatred is just unacceptable. Accidents happen, things go wrong. It's inevitable at such high speeds, sometimes it is on purpose but for the most part is is unintentional.

To stoop to the level to call names with such vile hatred infuriates me. Can ya tell? I'm using the big words... Becca's angry! I read about an incident that happened at Hickory Speedway with Marc when he tangled with a white driver. It's been said that the incident with this low class crew chief was much worse and ugly. Not only that, it was witnessed by two sponsorship reps. Thank you for the great impression you've made on these people. Our sport will no doubt prosper for your stupidity.

Marc declined to comment through his father and said "Dad, let's just go" when the incident was reported to the elder Davis. Honestly, it breaks my heart. This young man is a true champion, class act and a fighter. He has me on his side and no doubt many other fans who support him and think that NASCAR was right for suspending this crew chief. I for one hope they never allow him back in the sport. Let him go to another arena that isn't fighting so hard to make everyone feel accepted. Perhaps he should speak to a 300 pound lineman who hasn't eaten in a while the way he did Marc Davis. Maybe that would put an end to his bigotous disgusting actions.